“Nobody owes you anything.”

Relationships
“Nobody owes you anything.” a statement that has been flying up and down social media for the past few months or so. I myself first started seeing these discussions arise on Twitter around the end of Season 3 of Insecure, in which a potential relationship between main character Issa and love interest Nathan ended when he ‘ghosted’ her. Understandably, loads of viewers flocked to the defense of our TV fave, Issa. However, many were also in defense of Nathan, as he and Issa were not together and so he did not owe her anything, regardless. This topic clearly seems to divide people quite a lot.
The logic behind this idea that “nobody owes you anything” isn’t necessarily bad. Some of the people who argue it say that it’s simply a way of avoiding disappointment in interpersonal relationships. Issa, for example, shouldn’t have expected to find any answers as to why Nathan ghosted her because… he didn’t owe her anything in the first place. Yikes. 
“You can’t get hurt by anyone if you never expected anything from them in the first place.” 
I mean I’d get this, if we were robots. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. Whether we’re speaking on friendships, relationships or situationships, humans are humans. We have egos and emotions, so we’re prone to getting hurt over things. That won’t change, no matter what kind of ideology you live by. Even if Issa did go into the situation without any expectations [she kinda did tbh lol] she isn’t indestructible, she’s still bound to get hurt by a lack of basic respect and decency from someone who she had feelings for, like most people would, I believe.  
I often see people dismissing people who believe they are owed something as being entitled. ENTITLED?
tenor
Don’t get me wrong. I understand that when it comes to dating and relationships [but also friendships] some do overestimate their importance in the lives of the people they’re seeing and do move entitled to more than what was bargained for. That is an issue that should be addressed. I also understand that sometimes violations do occur, and it may be the right thing to do to cut someone off. But completely shutting down and not being real about your feelings because you feel that you don’t owe anything to anyone?
To me, it is simply a way for emotionally unintelligent people to justify their wayward behaviour.
What a lot of this boils down to is this idea that looking ‘heartless’ or ‘savage’ is cool. I hear it, but nah, it isn’t. It’s just an unhealthy way to deal with your interpersonal relationships and in the long run, it won’t work.
I am all for protecting one’s own peace and looking after yourself, first. You don’t need to give people complete access of you within 5 minutes of meeting them, nor do you have to stay in situations in which you are unhappy or not at peace.
But to me, whether it’s ghosting people, locking them off with no warning, or moving all the way mad and blocking on everything, this ‘okay but I didn’t owe you anything’ attitude to me, just ain’t it. Let’s properly process our thoughts and feelings… like adults should.
Michael

Loving my Black[British]ness

culture, Society

Living abroad makes you appreciate home for a number of reasons. For one, your family and friends are at home, and you’re probably gonna miss them, a little bit at least. You’re used to the social and cultural norms at home [I will never get used to driving on the other side, or compulsory tipping]. But on top of all this, I think it’s quite different when you’re already from an ethnic minority in your home country, and then you go somewhere else. The question ‘where are you from?’ becomes a lot longer than it already was, and you see that your double or even triple identity is not that easy to explain. Overall, I’ve realised that my unique position as being Nigerian, Black and British is much more understood at home.

Disillusionment with Education

education

Third year. It’s the year in which… let’s just say, it gets real. Although I’m currently on a year abroad (so I’m on my third of four years), I’m feeling the pain and pressure of all my friends who are going through it, at home. The pain of essays and deadlines, the pressure to find a job/grad scheme or master’s degree. Issa lot.  But another thing I’ve clocked, about myself and my friends, is that education… is just tiring. We’re tired. Finished. Dun out.

My problem isn’t ‘education’ itself. I love learning new ideas and new concepts, and educating myself further on the topics that I take interest in. What I have a problem with is  the system of education. Whilst university differs from country to country, the idea of coming in, being spoken at for an hour or two, and repeating this every year until graduation is something that we see everywhere. And at this point, it doesn’t really work for me.

boys need love.

Health and Wellbeing

Change can be difficult. Whether you’re at uni for the first time, or you’re living abroad, like me, it doesn’t always come easy. You’re away from your loved ones, you’re out of your comfort zone and you don’t know exactly how to function on your own. But it definitely puts things into perspective. At least that’s how I see things.

However; this isn’t a blog post about my year abroad, it’s more to do with some of the emotions I’ve suppressed for so long, but finally had to freedom to acknowledge since I’ve been away.

Teyana Taylor, K.T.S.E. and the dilemma of the First Lady

culture

The relationship between Hip Hop and R&B. The two cultures have crossed over so much that often times, they’re indistinguishable, which is why we often have R&B/Hip Hop listed together as one category. In 1998, we had rappers guest starting on hit R&B records and R&B singers singing the hooks on Rap hits. In 2018, we have rappers singing their own hooks, and singers basically rapping on their verses. And even with artists who are more explicitly one or the other, they’re likely to have worked with, artists from the other. Though R&B is unfortunately, not nearly as commercially successful as it was say twenty years ago, the relationship is still there. With R&B artists like Teyana Taylor being signed to Rap labels, such as GOOD Music, there clearly still is a place for R&B artists in today’s urban scene, but are these artists being handled properly, and are their projects being treated with the same urgency as their labelmates? I don’t think so.

Gender Wars: are they worth fighting?

Society

“UNITY, love a Black woman from infinity to infinity… UNITY, love a Black man from infinity to infinity” – Queen Latifah, 1993

I think it’s time to kill for our women, time to heal our women, be real to our women.” – Tupac, 1993

Said I’d never understand the plight of a Black man… right, but I’m tryna keep you in my life.” – Foxy Brown, 1996

giphy

These are all examples of lyrics that depict some of the conversations that we as Black people have, in relation to gender. It’s interesting that 22-25 years later, whether in the US or UK, not much has seemed to have changed.

At this point, it seems like no one is willing to listen or learn anything. It’s all about shouting the opposing opinion down and scoring points for your side. To be honest, all of that is dead. But as much of a frustrating topic it is, it’s something we need to talk about.

30 Apr at 13:33: I. Am. Tired.

Health and Wellbeing

“We’re gonna make it, that’s for sure. If you’re stressed then let it goooo.”

A Tribe Called Quest, 1996

Stress. I can relate. You can relate. We all can. Especially now that Exam SZN is upon us.

I don’t think I realised how stressed I was until my sister told me I was getting stress spots. You might laugh but I took this VERY seriously, especially since I’m trying to join #SkincareTwitter.

But on a serious note,  a lot has been going on with me; from uni, to applications, to family stuff. Some good, some not-so-good, but everything has resulted in this overwhelming feeling, which can be positive at times, like when I feel on job, and I’m doing bits. It can also stress me tf outtt! And basically make me shut down. As of right now, I don’t exactly feel like I am terribly stressed out. But what I can say, is that guys, I am tired!

Sacrifices

Health and Wellbeing, Spirituality

I was toying around with a couple of ideas on what to write about for this blog post, but I thought what would be most fitting is ‘sacrifices’, since tomorrow’s Easter, and alla dat.

Sacrifice is a big thing in Christianity, and in other religions, like Islam. During our religious periods of Lent, Ramadan, etc, we sacrifice some of our favourite things, from sweets, to sex. We even give up our necessities, like food and water, and take to repenting, studying religious texts, and being more prayerful, during these times. But how much of that is done with actual conviction?

How many more networking events?…

education, work

Networking, networking, networking. It’s a buzz word that we often see thrown around, everywhere, from uni, to extra curricular, to the TL. ESPECIALLY, the TL. But what does it really mean?

Networking is defined as ‘’interact[ing] with others to exchange information and develop professional or social contacts.’’

Realistically, networking is something that we all do, regularly, without even knowing. We all have networks, consisting of our family, friends, acquaintances. But of course, it differs in the professional context.